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As I suspected, his wife had wormed her way into his email online, and is checking it regularly. Of course she sees those messages to me. Of course all hell breaks loose, yet again. I hadn't seen the messages until much later, and so I hadn't responded to them, but it's bad enough without that technicality.He says he needs to go dark. I agree. I delete and block him from my chat program.*****Losing Patrick like this has been difficult. I'm so used to having him to talk to that not having him there is a huge hole in my day.I'd be flat-out lying if I didn't acknowledge that the funk I've been in for the past month isn't, in large part, due to this relationship ending. I know I've been mourning the loss of him; I feel the loss to my core.He knew me. He knew my thoughts, my quirks, my body... sometimes better than I did. He has been my best friend, he's made my days bearable, filled in what my husband is unwilling to give me. Going even two days without talking to him was rare. Cutting. . Let's see ... how about if we do it this way... ?" And I laid the mattress pads crosswise to the direction of the bedroll. "That way, we won't have the split in the mattresses."After we had closed the light and crawled under the covers, Jill snuggled up to me and settled her head on my shoulder, between my arm and my chest. With her free hand, she lightly turned my head towards her and said "Have I told you lately that you are the most amazing, gentlest ... sweetest guy I've ever met?" And she kissed me passionately. I couldn't help but react to the stimulus but, if Jill noticed, she gave no sign of it. Lowering her arm to drape it over my chest, she closed her eyes and quietly went to sleep. For the longest time, I looked up at the invisible ceiling and thought about how I was the happiest guy in the world. Then, feeling excited but unsure, as if I was standing on the edge of a cliff with the panorama of a whole new land before me, I fell asleep as well.The next morning, I woke up,.
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